Tag Archive | Transformation

Biblical Meditation: What It Is & How To Do It?

Author Sarah Geringer, in her book Transforming Your Thought Life: Christian Meditation in Focus, addresses the difference between our society’s current understanding of meditation and genuine Christian meditation.

“You may be skeptical about the word meditation because of its association with New Age and Eastern religions. I can understand if you feel hesitant, but I’d like to reassure you that the idea of meditation is not foreign to Christianity. It is simply the practice of thinking about Scripture and communing with God. I think you will find it to be a powerful tool for increasing peace in your life.
“(Christian meditation) involves the solid truth of God’s Word… It’s an invitation to deeper relationship with the One who perfectly loves us. When we make God’s character, laws, promises, and works our focus, we engage in Christian meditation.”

Last week I wrote about one of the world’s ways to use meditation, the process of Mindfulness Meditation. Today, I am looking at the biblical model of meditation.

Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines meditation as:

“Close or continued thought; the turning or revolving of a subject in the mind; serious contemplation.”

Some form of the word meditation is mentioned in the Bible 23 times, 19 of which are found in the Psalms. Psalm 119, the longest chapter in the Bible, mentions the Word of God in almost every verse. That Psalm alone uses some form of the word meditate eight times, in verses 15, 23, 27, 48, 78, 97. 99, and 148.

Biblical meditation was first mentioned in Scripture in Joshua 1:8. In the middle of an exhortation for Joshua to be strong and courageous as he was commissioned to lead Israel into their Promised Land, God gave a command to meditate on the Book of the Law.

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Joshua‬ ‭1:8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Biblical meditation is one of several ways to commune with God. It focuses our thoughts on a specific verse or short passage of Scripture or on one of the names or attributes of God that are given in Scripture. It is different than prayer, but can include prayer. It is an important part of a growing relationship with our Heavenly Father and our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

Meditation begins with prayerfully reading a passage of Scripture, asking God to speak to us. Often when we do this, one or more verses will stand out to us. Maybe within those verses, one or two words catch our attention. For me, this is usually a prompting to look up the words in a biblical resource, such as the Blue Letter Bible, to learn what the word(s) actually meant to the original audience. I usually do this with my current journal in front of me, which I use to record any new insights I’ve gained from the verse(s).

What is the difference between Bible reading and Bible meditation?

The website of Billy Graham Evangelistic Ministries, http://www.billygraham.org, clearly answers this question.

“We believe that it is essential to differentiate between reading and meditating on the Bible. Reading is primarily assimilation of facts without application. In other words, it is for gathering of information.

“When we meditate on the Word of God, we seek to make personal application of the Scriptures to our own lives and circumstances. This results in more than the intake of information; it transforms by leading to the formation of the individual into Christlikeness.

“It is at that very moment that the Holy Spirit is able to speak to us, for as the apostle Paul said, “All scripture is … profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16). We never know how or when the Holy Spirit will use the Word of God to bring conviction and correction. As God promises in Isaiah 55:11, the Word “will not return to me empty.”

“It is also essential to remember that Satan knows the Scriptures well. He often uses Scripture, out of context, to tempt us. He is a master at distorting what the Word of God says (Genesis 3:1). However, when Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness (Luke, chapter 4), Jesus correctly used the Scriptures to defeat him. The Word of God is our sure defense against Satan’s attacks.”

An important part of gaining benefit from meditating on Scripture is repetition. When we meditate on a verse or short passage of Scripture that is personally applicable to our current lives and circumstances, it’s important to meditate and repeat. I offen do this for a week or more, until I sense that my response to the situation has begun to change.

Romans 12:2 (NKJV) says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds… “ One of the most effective tools to renew our minds and experience transformation is biblical meditation.

In a world that has taken the God-given discipline of meditation and distorted it to the point that some Christians are afraid to even use the term, God has given us a major key to seeing lasting change in problem areas of our lives. Whether you choose to use the term meditation (which the Bible uses) or a synonym such as ponder or muse, please don’t ignore this valuable Spiritual Discipline.

Biblical meditation is incomplete until we apply what we’ve learned though the Word of God to our personal lives and our circumstances. In a Bible study group I’m a part of, we call these our Faith Actions. How does God want us to apply the lesson(s) He has been teaching us through meditation on a verse or short portion of Scripture?

Let the Holy Spirit lead you in this. Remember, the purpose of biblical meditation is first a transformed way of thinking and finally a transformed way of living. Permanent change takes time, so don’t rush through the process.

Reclaiming Your Life: The Importance of Prayer and Bible Reading in Setting Personal Goals

Jan29

The January theme in our RECLAIMING YOUR LIFE focus is on personal growth. So what is personal growth? Personal growth is a transformational process, in which improvements are made in some area of your life. Whether the personal goal you choose to start with is physical, emotional, social, financial or spiritual, the same principles apply.

Our goal for January is to choose one area of our lives where we recognize a need for personal growth. For example, do you need to learn how to control anger? Do you need to overcome procrastination? Would life be better if you changed your negative mindset and began to focused on the good things in your life? Maybe, you want to take some practical steps to improve your health or to better manage your daily responsibilities. Pick one area where you want to become a better version of yourself.

What does the Bible tell us about making plans that result in transformation? How does prayer move us forward in the process of accomplishing our personal growth goals? Answering those questions is the focus of this week’s post.

Proverbs 16:9 (NASB) gives some insight in the area of planning. It says, “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” Planning ahead is something that God encourages us to do, but Jehovah is the One directing us and enabling us to accomplish what we have planned.

Jesus also spoke of the importance of planning ahead. He said, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” (Luke‬ ‭14:28‬ ‭ESV‬‬) When we are planning goals for this year, we need to realistically count the cost of completing our plans so we don’t end up discouraged when the year comes to an end and our goals have not be accomplished.

THE IMPORTANCE OF PRAYER IN SETTING GOALS
Before you actually begin choosing a personal growth goal to work on, spend some time in prayer. Ask God to give you wisdom in setting realistic goals and to take away any roadblocks that will hinder you from accomplishing your goals. Recognize there will be times when you want to quit and feel like you can’t go on, and ask the Lord for strength and perseverance to not give up.

An important part of setting goals that we will be able to complete is making sure our goals meet five characteristics. SMART has been used as an acronym for setting effective goals. A SMART goal is one that is:

Specific: Well defined, clear, and unambiguous
Measurable: With specific criteria that measure your progress towards the accomplishment of the goal
Achievable: Attainable and possible to achieve
Realistic: Within reach, realistic, and relevant to your life purpose
Timely: With a clearly defined timeline, including a starting date, short term goals along the way, and a finish date

Transformation is a process that is addressed in 2 Corinthians 3:18.
“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

This verse makes it clear that transformation is a work of the Holy Spirit, also known as the Spirit of Christ Jesus, who lives within us. It is a part of working out the salvation Jesus provided for us, of working out what is within us by the Holy Spirit.

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear an trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing,” Philippians 2:12-14

Notice these verses say God will work in us both to make us willing to change and also empowering us to work out the needed changes. Our attitude toward change is important. Do what you believe God wants you to do with an attitude of gratitude and contentment.

As these last few weeks I’ve begun this process of transforming an area of my life where personal growth is needed, one Scripture has come up over and over in my study. When that happens I recognize God is showing me a principle I need to take hold of the succeed in accomplishing my goal.

The verses God has brought to mind over and over again are found in Ephesians 4. It is a passage that speaks to believers in Christ, saying they are no longer to walk in “the futility of their minds.” The word translated “futility” (or “vanity” in other translations) means “devoid of truth and appropriateness.” What we need is truth that is appropriate to our goal. This is found in verses 20 – 24, which show us a better way to live.

“But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Put off your old self. Your former way of life, in the area you are asking God to help you change. Put off your beliefs and behaviors that do not line up with the truth of God’s Word.

Be renewed in your mind. Another verse that speaks about renewing our minds is Romans 12:2, which says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

We renew our minds by learning the will of God, which is revealed in the Bible. The best way to do this is by reading and meditating on Bible verses that apply to the area you believe God wants you to change, memorizing one or two that deal with the problem area.

Put on the new self. ‭‭Having recognized the negative pattern that we need to change, and then learning God’s will in the area we’re hoping to change, we are ready to “put on” the new behavior. ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

This is the process of transformation in whatever area you choose to focus on during January. The biblical name for this process is sanctification, and it is an ongoing work the indwelling Holy Spirit does in our lives as we learn to hear His voice and respond in obedience. Yes, we have a part. But the power to change comes from the Holy Spirit who lives in the heart of everyone who has surrendered their life to Jesus as Lord and Savior.

We may feel weak in the area where we are hoping to see change. But God spoke through the apostle Paul that our weakness does not keep God from working. When he struggled with what he called a thorn in the flesh, God spoke to him.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9-10‬ ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

One thing that has helped me change habits that I’d felt powerless to change is turning the truths of God’s Word into a prayer. For example, James 1:22 teaches us the importance of being a doer of the Word. Let’s turn this into a prayer.

“ Lord, please help me not to merely listen to Your Word, and so deceive myself. Please help me to do what it says. God’s Word works, but if I am to experience it personally, I must be obedient. I need Your help, Lord.”

Remember, sanctification is a work the Holy Spirit does within us. My prayer for you as you choose to cooperate with His work within you is found in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24.

“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.”
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Transformed By God’s Spirit and His Word

Sep5

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”‭ Romans 12:2 ESV‬

‭Renewing our minds is such an important Christian discipline! In both our constant exposure to the input of the world in which we live and our emotional response to the difficult circumstances that are a part of life, we need to take time daily to renew our minds in the truths of God’s Word.‬

‭This Monday morning, as I do many mornings, I began my quiet time in the book of Psalms. I found Psalm 27 on my Bible app and began reading a passage I’ve read many times before. But as I came to the final two verses, I heard God speaking to my heart. ‬

‭I read, ‬“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:13-14)

God gently spoke to my heart, “Are you really expecting to see My goodness in this place where I’m asking you to walk?”

Immediately, I knew the honest answer was “No, Lord, I’m not.” And I knew it was time to renew my mind in the truth of the goodness of the Lord.

Life with its many and varied challenges has a way of wearing down our resolve to be doers of the Word and not just hearers (James 1:22), but the indwelling Holy Spirit is quick to teach us if we remain open to His voice. Our part is to open up God’s Word daily, with our spiritual ears ready to listen and obey. That’s what happened to me on Monday, as I did a search on my Bible app for verses about the goodness of the Lord and began renewing my mind in this important truth.

On this Thankful Thursday, I’m grateful that the Holy Spirit is able to take our willingness to open the Bible, in whatever form we prefer, and use it to renew our minds to see our circumstances from a biblical mindset. Whether He works by reminding us of some truth about the character of God, as He did for me this week, or He reminds us of some other principle taught in Scripture, the Bible and the Holy Spirit who lives within us as believers in Christ together are God’s agents of transformation in our lives.

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Going “Gratitudinal” – Changing My Attitude to One of Gratitude

Mar21

The final chapter in Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy, by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, is about change. When we are facing difficult circumstances, change sounds inviting. But this chapter isn’t talking about a change of circumstances. The change referred to in this chapter is a change in our attitude toward our circumstances.

An attitude is a set of emotions, beliefs, and behaviors toward a particular subject, situation, person or group of people. Attitudes are often the result of our experiences or upbringing, and they can have a powerful influence over our behavior. While attitudes are enduring, they can also change. Attitudes are a learned tendency to evaluate things in a certain way, and since they are learned they can also be unlearned.

Woodrow Kroll, evangelical preacher and radio host of Back to the Bible has said concerning our attitude about difficult circumstances, “Nothing is so sour that it can’t be sweetened by a good attitude.”

Author, speaker and pastor John Maxwell wrote in his book Developing the Leader Within You, “The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.”

While changing circumstances is a great goal, sometimes we are powerless to do this. For example, I can do nothing to change the fact that our special needs son David suffered for thirty-four years with profound mental retardation, spastic quadriplegia CP, seizures and fragile bones prone to fracture and then graduated from this world to heaven last November. I also can do little to change my personal pain and limitations from the chronic illness and disability I live with daily as a result of an auto accident in 1975 that also took the life of our first born daughter Teresa. But in both of these situations, I do have the power to change my attitude. I can choose to have a God-honoring attitude in whatever circumstances I’m currently walking through.

New attitudes start with new mind-sets and result in new behavior. Let’s take the two circumstances I shared above. In dealing with the challenging life and recent loss of our precious son, I could focus on how hard life was for David and the pain of our recent loss, or I could shift my focus to the truth that David is now in the presence of the Lord and whole after a lifetime in a broken body. In my chronic illness and physical disability, I could turn my mind on all the things I’m unable to do, or I could thank the Lord for the blessings in my life and all the things I am able to do. As Nancy says, “The pathway to personal transformation requires a change in perspective.”

She says, “I’d like to coin a new word for those who may be deficient in the gratitude department (which includes all of us from time to time).” Instead of speaking of “attitudinal change,” Nancy calls us to “gratitudinal change.”

Gratitudinal change comes from choosing “to live in the fullness of your relationship with God, not hindered and hamstrung and holding Him at arm’s length, but experiencing Him richly. Feeling at home in His presence.”

It results in rewriting our story “into a tale of God’s grace, one that He uses to help you be an effective minister of His hope and healing to those who are walking the same kind of path” He has helped us to walk. It’s being “so available to His Spirit’s leading, so aware of others’ needs, and so willing to be open and genuine, that God takes the things Satan meant for evil and transforms them into things of value.”

It’s living as God’s Word instructs us in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

‭‭The author gives several specific recommendations to get us headed in the direction of “gratitudinal change.”

Surrender your rights to God. “If we are to bloom and flourish as children of God in this harsh and suffocating culture – shining like ‘lights in the world’ – we must pour ourselves out as a drink offering before the Lord.”
Commit to a set season of gratitude. “Like any other virtue, a grateful spirit is the work of God’s Spirit within the life of a believer who is purposeful about putting off fleshly inclinations and cultivating spiritual ones. And that takes time, effort, and focused attention.”
Take stock of your gratitude accounts. “Who deserves (or needs) a word of thanks from you? Who in your life could use a bit of encouragement today?”
Write thank you notes. Remember, “the act of expressing gratitude breeds joy. In the sender and in the recipient… Don’t get hung up on the ‘technique.’ Do resolve to have a thankful heart and to take time to express your gratitude as frequently as possible, by whatever means possible, to as many people as possible.”
Do it together, as a Body-building exercise. As we bring this nine-week study of Choosing Gratitude to a close, I encourage you to share with the other members of our group how you plan to put these principles we’ve studied into practice.

Understanding the place of suffering in the Christian life is a key to walking through whatever God permits to touch our lives with a Gratitudinal attitude.

Joni Eareckson Tada became well acquainted with suffering when at age eighteen she suffered a cervical fracture when diving into some shallow water in the Chesapeake Bay and became a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the shoulders down. She has identified suffering as “God’s choicest tool in shaping the character of Christ in us... the gym equipment on which my faith can be exercised.” She adds, “God is more concerned with conforming me to the likeness of His Son than leaving me in my comfort zones. God is more interested in inward qualities than outward circumstances – things like refining my faith, humbling my heart, cleaning up my thought life and strengthening my character.”

Elizabeth Elliot was plunged into the world of suffering when her husband Jim was one of five missionaries killed while participating in Operation Auca, an attempt to evangelize the Huaorani people of Ecuador. She said, “This hard place in which you perhaps find yourself is the very place in which God is giving you opportunity to look only to Him, to spend time in prayer, and to learn long-suffering, gentleness, meekness – in short, to learn the depths of the love that Christ Himself has poured out on all of us… The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.”

Author Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth brings this study to a close with these words, “Some of the holy work we need to have done in us and through us can only come through the valley of shadow and suffering. Are you going to be resistant to that? Or are you going to be clay in His hands, knowing that He is intent on shaping you into the image of Christ and wants to use your life for something far bigger than you own comfort, convenience, and pleasure? He wants your life to be part of a grand, eternal redemptive picture that portrays the wonder of His saving grace.”

I encourage you to meditate on these quotes concerning the benefits we gain through suffering. And allow them to cause a change in your perspective concerning the difficult circumstances in your life.

Do you want your life to reflect the character of Christ? Do you agree that God is more interested in inward qualities than in outward circumstances? Do you want to know the depths of God’s love? Do you want to “go forward in ways that are pleasing to Him, ways that place us in the center of His great will and plan”? Then, make the decision to begin looking at your world through “gratitude-colored glasses.”

I want to close today with a song by Joni Eareckson Tada that perfectly expresses the attitude God desires us to have toward the suffering He has allowed in our lives.

Boundaries and the Christ-Controlled Life

Sep1

I woke up at 6am today, with the pulse-oximeter alarm going off in our special needs son David’s room. He has drops in his oxygen level and changes in heart rate that require monitoring using an oximeter, and when his numbers go outside the pre-set boundaries an alarm sounds. It doesn’t mean he is in grave danger, but it is an indication he needs to be checked and possibly some treatment done. This morning he simply needed some oral suctioning – he was sound asleep with his mouth open and saliva was blocking his airway.

After taking care of this routine care of our son, something I’m well acquainted with during the hours when he doesn’t have nursing care, I sensed God speaking to my spirit. “Setting boundaries is necessary for David’s physical health and for your spiritual health.”

I have heard of the concept of establishing boundaries in Christian circles for many years, but during the last year it has become a daily part of my life through Taste For Truth, a Christian weight loss program I’ve been following. This program does not recommend a specific diet to follow, that is between you and God. Instead, it has two main emphases, renewing your mind to replace the lies you are believing with the truth of God’s Word, and prayerfully setting boundaries concerning eating and exercise. Through these two principles, an area of my life that has been a lifelong struggle is coming under God’s control.

But boundaries are needed in more than just eating. Any area that needs to come under God’s control in our lives requires these same two steps of renewing our mind and setting boundaries. This applies to our thoughts, words, actions, relationships, how we use our time and how we spend our money. Without renewing our minds to know what God says in His Word about each of these areas and then setting boundaries we will follow, change won’t consistently happen. These two principles are our part in being conformed to the image of Christ.

Boundaries alone do not result in change, but when we renew our minds according to the Word of God and yield our lives to the promptings of the Holy Spirit who lives within every person who has acknowledged Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, transformation will come. It may not be overnight, but if we do our part in the transformation process it will result in change.

So what exactly are boundaries, and how do we set them? A boundary is something that indicates a border or a limit. With property, it may be marked by a fence that indicates the end of one piece of property and the beginning of another. Biblically speaking, boundaries are related to self-control. For example, as I set my boundaries in Taste For Truth, they limited how many calories I would eat per day and how many days per week I would exercise. With managing money, a budget sets boundaries concerning how we will spend our income. Relationship boundaries might include separating yourself from people who pull you down or ridicule your faith.

So how do we go about setting and keeping within wise boundaries? First, seek God’s will by praying about the area where you recognize a need to set boundaries. See what God has to say about the issue in His Word. Consider the consequences of failing to set boundaries in this area, and make a decision. Trust God to lead you and empower you to change this area of your life. For me concerning weight loss, having an accountability partner was also helpful, someone I could contact for encouragement when I was struggling.

Boundaries have been a part of life on earth since shortly after creation. The first boundary given to man mentioned in Scripture is in the second chapter of Genesis. “And the Lord God commanded the man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die’ ” (Genesis‬ ‭2:16-17‬ ‭NIV). ‬‬Living within this boundary would have brought Adam and Eve and their descendants blessing, but unfortunately they chose instead to overstep the one boundary God had given and as a result sin entered this world. Boundaries are an effective way to limit destructive behaviors and take personal responsibility for our lives. They are a key to overcoming besetting sins and learning to walk in freedom from bondage. Are there some boundaries God is calling you to set?

A Martha Becoming A Mary

Jul21

Today, I am pleased to share a guest post with you from a new friend who is a member of God-Living Girls with Chronic Illness, a Christian support, encouragement, Bible study and prayer group that I am privileged to help lead.

Deb Peabody describes herself as “a daughter of the King, wife, mom and Nana to the six most adorable grandkids.” While she has chronic illnesses, her desire is to live as a joyful, chosen, holy, blessed, redeemed and adopted daughter of God with a desire to glorify Him in the life He has ordained for her. She blogs at https://joyfulrefuge.wordpress.com/

A few weeks ago, I did a post on our God-Living Girls page about finding God’s purposes in the pain. Deb shared the following:

“I know God has conformed me more into the image of his Son through my chronic illnesses and have grown in ways I never would have before. Before such a Martha hostess with the mostest go, go, go sunrise to Way past sunset. Now I am learning to be more a Mary at his feet, I have learned greater dependency in God, I have experienced His character and know even in hard times He is faithful, Sovereign, wise and good whether or not I understand why. I rely so much more on Him and His Word rather than doing it all myself in my own strength. I have learned joy and gratitude in spite of hard circumstances.”

This caught both my interest and the interest of several of the ladies in our group, and I asked Deb if she would be willing to write a blog post on what God has done in her life in the area from changing her from a Martha to a Mary. This article is the answer to that request. Enjoy.

38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.

39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching.

40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”

41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,

42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:38-42

Before chronic illnesses slowed me down, my hubby called me the “Energizer Bunny” because I kept going and going and going. I was also very much a Martha go, go, go and do, do, do, the hostess with the mostest, involved in many church activities, walking, going to the gym, swimming, gardening, hosting smaller and all church events at our home that I also made sure were perfectly decorated.

In my Martha state, I was constantly fussing about how everything was done and worrying about the impressions I made on people. I spent time in the Word to prepare for Bible studies I attended to make sure I was more prepared and excelling more than others attending. I was forever concerned about what people thought of me, wanting to make the right impression with my looks, my actions, my words and my abilities. Life was frantic, distracted, fear filled and frenzied much more often than it was peaceful, focused, relaxed and faith filled.

My life suddenly changed in 2009. That November I fell while photographing fall leaves when I stepped into a pothole concealed by colorful autumn leaves. I ended up needing eleven stitches on my split open knee. After one dose of sulfa antibiotics I landed in ER with my first anaphylactic reaction. Next thing I knew I was reacting to all sorts of things I had previously tolerated. Fragrances, chemicals, cleaners, toothpastes and many foods suddenly were no longer tolerated. I began feeling like the girl in the bubble. After shuffling from doctors over the next few years received multiple diagnosis including chronic blood cancer, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome(MVAS) and a connective tissue disorder called Ehler Danlos.

As my symptoms increased and my energy ebbed, I really began seeking God, crying out to Him for answers and asking Him to show me how to live in this new normal. It was a really hard season of fading health, numerous unknowns and lack of strength to do all I did before. God met me through time in His Word and in prayer. Many sleepless nights due to insomnia, induced by high doses of steroids, were spent studying His Word and in prayer.

I began to desire to truly know God and His character. My dear hubby was faithful to often remind me that God has sovereignly ordained us to be together and that we will walk together as a couple through whatever He sovereignly allowed in our lives, including chronic illness, to glorify our God.

In this season, I began learning more and more about God’s character. I began to grasp He was sovereign, holy, faithful, wise, just and good no matter what my circumstances happened to be. God began to help me memorize scriptures and enabled me to apply them to my life. This really strengthened my walk and grew my love for Him. As I spent more time at His feet, He began transforming me from an ultra Martha to a bit of a Mary. During this time of unknown yet failing health, He revealed to me He is most concerned about my eternal good and my being conformed to the image of His Son.

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. – Romans 8:28-29

God met me in amazing ways through examples in family members and friends as well as in His word and prayer. One friend greatly impacted me fairly early in my chronic illness walk, as she and her hubby sat in our home crying tears of joy at all the many ways God has met them and blessed them as she went through surgery, chemo and radiation for breast cancer. That same spring I read two books that greatly impacted me One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Between my friends examples, personal Bible studies and my reading I saw the choice before me. I then purposed in March 2011 and asked God to enable me, regardless of my circumstances, to be a woman of joy and gratitude that ever sits at His feet. I am so grateful for the most part God has answered this request. At the time I did not think of it changing me into more of a Mary, but this was one result of that answered prayer.

I am thankful I can trust in His faithfulness and goodness and to know His plans are for my eternal best and realize our earthly life is just a blip in eternity. I honestly believe if God had not slowed me down with various chronic illnesses, I would still be the Energizer Bunny version of a Martha. While lack of energy and symptoms may prevent me from doing many things, most days I can sit at His precious feet, be fed by His Word and pray as the Holy Spirit directs. I am at peace, have joy and gratitude, laugh easily and am so much more relaxed. I am now grateful for any help and even if not done “my way” to accomplish the task as it truly no longer matters.

Our marriage is better than ever and we enjoy each other, appreciate each other and love each other more than before. Laughter is frequent and we joke about the plot twists in our life. Now when we have guests over the focus is how to bless them and make them feel our home is a safe, loving haven where before my focus was on how to impress. Sometimes my house is a bit messy and God has even used that to make people feel comfortable and makes me seem more approachable.

There are days when I take my eyes off of my precious Savior and put them on me and my circumstances. There are days I must fight for joy and gratitude. I have purposed on those days to think of at least three things I am grateful for and either say them aloud or write them down. That seems to redirect my gaze back to Him, the lover of my soul, the One who sustains me and fills me with His joy, peace and hope.

While I would love to be healed, my prayer is that if God allowed it, I would not forget His using chronic illness to slow me down to transform me into much more of a Mary. The joy, peace, laughter, confidence and freedom from fears I now have from my Lord are of much greater value to me than perfect health. My devotion to my Jesus, my gratitude, my love for the gospel of grace, my compassion for the sufferings of others, love of His Word and prayer have all grown immensely as a result of chronic illness. I can say as the Psalmist said:

It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. – Psalm 119:71

I would honestly choose to be a chronically ill Mary any day over going back to my former healthy but fearful frantic Martha state. May His transforming grace continually be at work in all of us!

Blessings,

Deb